Mourning a House

May 2018

My husband and I have been called by God and we said yes. That means packing up and moving out. I can hardly wait to start building relationships in our new area. I'm ready to hit the ground running and to take ground for the kingdom... But, that doesn't mean it's easy. I find myself on this wacky roller coaster of emotions. 

There's the obvious highs, but the lows; the deep sadness I feel when packing and thinking about all the people I'll leave behind, that's the tough part. 

Last week I was carrying wood out to the burn pit in our backyard and I walked slowly and just looked around. I am really going to miss this yard. It's been the space of many backyard BBQ's. I looked at our trees where our hammocks would hang and we'd all just hang out there together on nice days. I remembered my birthday party and the kids birthday parties we'd celebrated back there. I know it's just a yard in just a house, but the memories...

Just the other day we moved all of our bedroom furniture out, sans mattress. I stopped to take a break for a moment. I made a hot cup of tea and laid out on my mattress. With my cup on my stomach and staring up at the ceiling, I couldn't help but cry. I cried because I didn't even recognize my space anymore. I remember how excited we were to have our first house. I loved what was going to be our room. I couldn't wait to make it ours and just like that it's over. I know it's just a bedroom inside just a house, but the memories.,,

Studio cat and I were packing up my basement studio tonight.That one got me. This is MY space. This is the first time in my entire life that I've had a dedicated space to my art. I could be as messy, free, and creative as I wanted. I had a corner that was the kids studio. They learned to paint down there and they grew so much in their creativity. I led a women's art group down there. We bonded, prayed, and crafted down there. That space filled my cup. I know it's just a studio inside just a house, but the memories...

I'm mourning a house.

I know I'll make new memories in my next "just a house," and I'm really excited, but the memories are flooding in during this prep phase and It's got me emotional about things I didn't even realize I cared about.

Stay Hungry, Friends.